Dec 31, 2010

2010 year in review

2010 will officially go down as the suckiest (what? it's a word.) year on record. That's not to say I didn't learn oh-so valuable life lessons, but still, in a nutshell- it wasn't a good year.

Here are my Top 7 Reasons Why:
1. Moved away from family and friends and everything I've ever known
2. Sold our first home at a tremendous loss
3. Moved to a new, cold, cloudy, rainy, sunless state

4. Marriage crumbled

5. Hit my all time personal low in life
6. Dad had a heart attack
7. Felt God had abandoned me

Now, having stated that I learned a lesson from each and every item above. It was painful but I learned and I grew. Here's how:

1. Being away from everything familiar has forced me to branch out of my comfort zone in so many ways. It has forced my little family to band together.

2. It was our first home but it wasn't filled with happiness. Not even close. Took a $30K hit and we're still paying it off. It's been worth every penny though to have relationships restored in the resulting move. We're now living in a rented house with mauve carpet and a matching mauve kitchen. But it's a pink house filled with peace and love. Wow, that sounds cheesy.

3. Ok, if I'm being completely honest I'm still struggling to to find the lesson in moving here. I miss the Colorado sunshine. I miss the 300 + days of sun per year. I miss real mountains. Sigh. I am learning though that home is where my family is. My husband and kids and I are together and wading through the transition as a team. It's pretty cool.

4. My world fell apart at the beginning of last year. Oh so slowly though, we're rebuilding what was ruined. Whoa boy, this was a tough one. I've learned to love is a choice, to trust is a choice and both decisions have to be made daily. Sometimes multiple times per day. Sometimes multiple times per hour. I'll probably be learning this for the rest of my life. I've learned powerful lessons on forgiveness and grace and mercy. To quote Mahatma Ghandi- The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. I am stronger than I ever gave myself enough credit for and I'm not too modest to claim that.

5. Oh yeah, spent months in sweats or pj's, on the couch, barely functioning. I cried from June to October. This one is very personal and made me come to grips with my thinking that depression is a spiritual problem. I no longer believe that. I reached out to my church and got paired up with a counselor.  I knew I had to do something though, to be able to come back to the land of the living before my kids are all moved out. Don't get me wrong, living in lala land has it's pros such as baggy, comfortable clothes, a nice indention in the couch that fits you perfectly, being on a first name basis with the pizza delivery person- but it's not how I want my kids to remember me. I also discovered NCIS during the my days on the couch. I now love that show. Oh Leroy Jethro Gibbs, make my heart go pitter pat!

6. This one scared me. I am thankful though that I was close enough to drive to be with him and had the resources available to be able to afford it. We live on the Dave Ramsey plan so we had an Emergency Fund established. The day I left to be with my dad, my husband and I were separated and barely on speaking terms. I spent a week with my Dad, away from my husband and by the time I made the drive home, for the first time in almost a year, I actually missed my husband and felt the tiniest bit of hope for saving our marriage. I also developed a new friendship with my elderly neighbors, one that I cherish. They stepped up and opened their home to my kids before and after school while I was gone. I'm not sure I would have been able to make the trip to see my dad had they not been willing to help in that way.

7. This forced me to go looking for him. Again. I've found him in a fresh, new way. Of course during my search, I discovered He in fact never left me in the first place.

So, while I'm not at all sad to say goodbye to 2010 and I'm looking forward to 2011, I'll always look back on this past year as the one that changed everything.

Happy New Year!

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