This is a very hard role for me to play. I'm trying trying to be supportive of my husband. I want to have his back, I want him to know that I have his back. Always. That doesn't come easy for me. I think I may have spent too many years alone, being a single parent, not having to share decisions with anyone. Hoss is taking a job in Pennsylvania. Well he already works in Pennsylvania but he is taking a promotion that requires him to live in the area he will be in charge of. He will work 3 weeks on and have 1 week off. During his 3 weeks on he will be on call. But unless there is a situation that requires him to go out to one of the rigs, he will be home every night. He will be home every night! This would be the best move for our marriage. His current schedule is very tough on us as a couple and as a family. He is gone a lot. It's difficult to feel close to somebody that is gone half of the year. I'm absolutely terrified about moving across the country. I've lived here since I was a baby. My kids have built their lives here. It will be hard to watch the kids have to say goodbye to their friends. I'm not terribly worried about E. He has already told me that if we do move to PA, we will only be a few hours from a beach and the Hershey's factory is out there. But age 9 is different from age 14. It will be very sad for Banana. She is starting highschool next year. That's a tough age to have to start all over. But I've told her that I don't want to say No to God. I feel like he is leading us on this journey. Literally a journey. And although it's not what I want to happen, I don't want to say No to Him. I also want to say Yes to Hoss. He works very hard for our family. His job allows me to stay home with Kiwi. He is excited about this opportunity and experience. We have to just look at it as an adventure. One that we will take together.
Sometimes I don't like being the adult.