Maybe it's a tuma. (said in my best Ahnold voice)

Dear God, please please don't let this be serious. I'm freaking out. I just signed a new life insurance policy on Monday. Tuesday morning my world was knocked off its scheduled, list making axis a little. I run my household like a well oiled machine. A machine that I like to drive. It could be argued that I have control issues. So what? You want to make something of it? I'm always up for a good argument. If arguing was an Olympic sport I would have won gold. Well truthfully I probably would have been kicked off the team due to steroid use. Or poor sportsmanship like behavior. See where I'm going with this? I know this is an area that I will always wrestle God with. Well hopefully not always but certainly until I grow and mature in my faith enough to fully trust him. Does that ever really happen? I know my children and my husband, family, home, life, everything I have, every breath I take are all a gift from God but when it comes down to it does He really know how to take care of my family better than I do? This is a lesson I've been struggling with for many years. As many years as I've been a follower of Christ, so lets see...9 years now. That's a long time to deal with any problem. Maybe HE is finally fed up with wrestling with me. Maybe HE has decided now is a good time to relinquish all control. I'm not sure my Papa understands just how much my family means to me. I have 4 children and 1 husband that would not make it without me. Well the children would recover but I'm not so sure about my man. I have my reasons for worrying about him more. Don't even get me started on what my sisters mean to me.



I'm pretty sure only my sister reads this so I'm going to go into detail here. I went in for my annual exam and it turned out to be a not so routine appointment. The Dr wanted to do an ultrasound right then but I had plans. An ultrasound wasn't on my list of things to do that day. (It's a sickness I know.) I was busy getting ready to leave for a weekend away with my husband so I scheduled it for when we returned. On Tuesday I had a 3D ultrasound and found 3 tumors growing in my uterus. (I've always wanted one of those 3D ultrasounds when I was pregnant but I never wanted to pay the extra money for it. Now I finally get one and there is no baby in there to take pictures of. Just ugly ugly tumas- Arnold voice again). Anyway, they could be fibroid tumas which are fairly common and can just be monitored. My Dr. did say they just keep growing though and one of them is already a considerable size and my uterus is enlarged. My husband and I have both noticed it, I look about 2-3 months pregnant some days but with all my medical expertise I ignored it for a very long time because I thought maybe it was a result of having a cesarean delivery with Kiwi. I thought maybe the uterus doesn't shrink down the same like it would after a vaginal birth. I keep forgetting that I in fact have not gone to medical school and do not walk around in a white coat with "Dr." printed on it. I finally went in to the Dr because I've been having such heavy periods for months now. I quit nursing Kiwi about 4 months ago and that is when I noticed the difference in my cycle. I am bleeding for 15 days out of every month and for 3 days it is so heavy and painful that I can't leave the house. I'm seriously housebound. Such fun! I would like to pause and take a moment here to say thank you to my ancestor Eve. I really hope that apple was worth it. It better have been a Granny Smith, those are the best ones anyway. If all this pain was caused by a Jona Gold or Golden Delicious (gag) then we're going to have some words when I meet you one day. Moving on...



The dr said my uterus wall is so thin that I could not safely carry another baby. I guess this is what happens when at 10 months pregnant you are as big around as you are tall. With E and Kiwi both I measured 57 inches around and I am only 61 inches tall. I have big babies. I am a great incubator. The door to having another child has been shut. I feel for my husband. He doesn't feel like our family is complete. I could have gone either way. I would have another baby for Hoss if it meant that much to him and well because it's a baby. I think I will have baby urges until I die. That's a good reason to volunteer in the nursery at church. I can go in and sniff all the newborn baby smell and get my fix and then get out of there. Plus, my younger sisters will probably all have babies one day. I will be an awesome Tia and get to hold babies babies babies. My reasons for not having any more children are because:

1. We already have 4 happy, healthy children and I'm eternally grateful for them.

2. I am enjoying my time with Kiwi so much. Raising him with Hoss is such a different experience for me. I enjoy being his mommy. I enjoy the little things more than I did with the older kids. When Kiwi wants to stop to play with a crack in the sidewalk I let him. I'm not so frantically focused on just trying to survive each day like I used to be.

3. I do not want to experience a cesarean delivery ever again.



So I will sadly say goodbye to that chapter in my life. I will trust the Author of my life with each next chapter. I will try really really hard not to write the book myself. (Maybe He will let me edit it before publication?)

I am having a biopsy done tomorrow. They will biopsy the actual tumas and my uterine lining. It will be a very long weekend waiting for results. If the tumas are fibroid tumas and keep growing I may need to have a hysterectomy. I would definitely get a second opinion and will be meeting with a holistic nutritionist that I know. Going straight to a hysterectomy just seems a little drastic to me. If the tumas are not just fibroid tumas...well I don't know. I haven't thought much beyond that point.

I don't want to be the grown up!

This is a very hard role for me to play. I'm trying trying to be supportive of my husband. I want to have his back, I want him to know that I have his back. Always. That doesn't come easy for me. I think I may have spent too many years alone, being a single parent, not having to share decisions with anyone. Hoss is taking a job in Pennsylvania. Well he already works in Pennsylvania but he is taking a promotion that requires him to live in the area he will be in charge of. He will work 3 weeks on and have 1 week off. During his 3 weeks on he will be on call. But unless there is a situation that requires him to go out to one of the rigs, he will be home every night. He will be home every night! This would be the best move for our marriage. His current schedule is very tough on us as a couple and as a family. He is gone a lot. It's difficult to feel close to somebody that is gone half of the year. I'm absolutely terrified about moving across the country. I've lived here since I was a baby. My kids have built their lives here. It will be hard to watch the kids have to say goodbye to their friends. I'm not terribly worried about E. He has already told me that if we do move to PA, we will only be a few hours from a beach and the Hershey's factory is out there. But age 9 is different from age 14. It will be very sad for Banana. She is starting highschool next year. That's a tough age to have to start all over. But I've told her that I don't want to say No to God. I feel like he is leading us on this journey. Literally a journey. And although it's not what I want to happen, I don't want to say No to Him. I also want to say Yes to Hoss. He works very hard for our family. His job allows me to stay home with Kiwi. He is excited about this opportunity and experience. We have to just look at it as an adventure. One that we will take together.


Sometimes I don't like being the adult.

Being a Cub Scout Mama

It's Camporee time! Camporee is a camping weekend with E's Webelos troop. I, being the Webelos leader feel obligated to attend. It's gonna be cold. I don't like to be cold. I don't like to be hot either but right now I'm focused on how much I don't enjoy being cold. I can handle the cold if I'm at home, under a blanket, with a fire burning ever so brightly in the fireplace. But we're going to be outside! All day! I will admit that I'm not staying for the entire weekend. I'm not crazy after all. No way no how am I going to be sleeping in a tent for 2 nights freezing my cha chas offs. If Hoss were also going and I had him to snuggle with in a sleeping bag, well that would be a different story. I don't want to be away from Kiwi that long so E and I are going Saturday only. I'm so glad I have a baby to use as an excuse. Actually it's true. Hoss and I are going away for a long weekend next month to Estes Park, and unless I smuggle him into my suitcase, I'll have to spend my first weekend away from Kiwi then. I bet he would fit, hmm...


Anyway, I'm getting our fishing gear ready for Saturday. I hope and pray E is feeling better by then. He's been down with the flu for almost a week already. It would be a shame if we had to miss it *wink *wink ;)

Who needs drugs, we've got silly putty

Update on Bleu's school behavior. An idea that came out of the brainstorming was to homeschool him. I don't really want to homeschool, he doesn't want to be homeschooled either. At least not by me. I told him he has until October 1 to show some serious improvement or he will begin homeschooling October 2. This has totally lit a fire under that skinny little butt of his! I have seen an entirely different kid this week. His teacher has also seen this new kid. I haven't had to remind him to stay on task while getting ready in the morning. He gets out of bed the first time I call him, he is down to breakfast quickly and is even getting his backpack ready without a reminder. He even got a positive referral from school on Friday for having all his homework turned in A DAY EARLY and completing his classwork during the assigned time! So I've learned the secret to modify a childs unfocused behavior: just threaten to homeschool him! Huh- who knew? His teacher is also allowing him to keep a wad of silly putty in his desk. He kind of kneads it with his free hand while she is explaining a lesson or giving instructions and instead of being a distraction it is actually helping him to concentrate better. Not sure what that is about, but we'll just go with it.

Drugs are not the answer.

I recently had a conversation with my sons' 4th grade teacher about Bleu's lack of concentration in class. She thinks he has a problem. Apparently serious enough for her to suggest medical intervention. Now I know that he is a scatterbrain, (please, of course I know this, I am his mother), but I wonder- doesn't every parent of a boy know the same truth? It's just how boys are. They aren't programmed to sit at a desk all day. He isn't made that way. He needs to be active and engaged, not just reading from a textbook or listening to a lesson. I'm not going to make excuses for him either. He does need to be respectful of his teacher and classmates. He knows that being a student is his job, and only he can take responsibility for his behavior and his actions. My boy is so creative, and smart, and funny. I am not going to medicate my son so that he will be easier to deal with as a student. Nope, not going to happen. We are super organized here at home when it comes to schoolwork. Each child has a cubby area for their school work and all things school related. I do tend to be more strict than most parents. I tell my son often that I've already graduated from 4th grade, this is his job. It's not my problem that he forgot to turn in his homework or forgot to have his planner signed. I don't just completely make him fend for himself but I am not going to hold his hand to school to make sure he turns his work in either. So, I am going to try to offer a few more reminders here at home and before he leaves for school each morning. I am going to have to brainstorm some ideas to help him. I know we can make this work.

We're going back, back, back to school!

Why I love summer break: no setting my alarm (I still get up early with the baby, but not as early)

no packing school lunches

doing whatever we feel like doing all day- no schedules

spending time with the kids

watching them bring home a bucket full of crayfish from the creek

walking to Russell Stovers to have ice cream for lunch

spending all day in my pj's if I feel like it (while secretly being terrified that someone will stop by unannounced and think I do that everyday)

movie marathons

seeing my Dad and Grandma

bbq's

park days

watching the kids play with the neighbor kids, being thankful that they have good friends and are good friends in return

lemonade stands

bike rides

dandelion bouquets from my kids

seeing how excited my husband is about camping



Why I don't love summer break:

it's hot

having the neighbor kids ring my doorbell 36 times everyday to see if the kids can come play

hearing my son scream in horror because the dogs just ate all the crayfish out of the bucket

swim suit season

roly poly farms in my tupperware

getting frustrated and overwhelmed easily because the kids are home ALL DAY LONG (I've been known to hide in my car in the garage)

sweaty little boy smell

nursing bee stings

crying when my Dad leaves

7 a.m. swim meets.


Here's to another fabulous school year!

Cleaning out the freezer

Digging thru the freezer last week we found a turkey that we bought when it was on sale. So for dinner tonight we had our own mini thanksgiving dinner. It was much too quiet at the dinner table though to actually remind anyone of Thanksgiving. I admit it felt a little strange cooking a full size bird in July but the weather has been rainy and cold for the past few days so the oven going for a few hours felt good. We had some of the best sweet corn on the cob and mashed potatoes to go along with it. I think it is just second nature to make mashed potatoes when you have a 22 pound bird baking in your oven. Poor Kiwi was sent to bed early because he had decided to skip his nap earlier in the day. He had a scrumptious pb&j and was snoring by the time Hoss was busing carving away.

Happy Birthday Kiwi

My how time flies! Kiwi is already one! He is losing his baby face, he has such a cute little boy face. Still very blond hair and very very blue eyes. I can't wait to see if he stays blond as he grows older. I thought his hair would have darkened by now, so who knows? We had a party for him at home. There was a ton of food and good friends and family. He had fun opening his gifts. I didn't do a very good job keeping track of which gift was from whom, so thank you notes are a little slow getting out. He is having fun with all of his new stuff. He has worn every outfit and tried to stuff every new toy in his mouth. He got a set of flashcards from Grandpa & Grandma and I've tried to sit down with him everyday for a litle flashcard time. He has spent the last week teething. He now has 3 teeth, 2 of bottom and 1 on top. Such a cute little smile. We also had his one year old pics taken at Target. They turned out adorable (of course) and I can't wait to get them in some frames. I swear now that he is one, he can't be contained! He is trying to climb over the gates, out of his crib, out of his playpen, anywhere! He is having fun on his outdoor play structure. He spends most of his time just opening and closing the little front door. He is saying Mama, Daddy, Tia, Up, & Bobo (brother). It's so hard to believe but my last baby is no longer a baby. They really do grow too fast.

Father's Day camping

For Father's Day this year all Hoss wanted was to take his family camping. How easy is that? We found a little campground not far from home, only about 30 miles. We had planned to leave midday Friday and return Sunday afternoon or early evening. That's not quite how the weekend played out.

We didn't leave town until about 6pm Friday. We had to take a little detour to the E.R. because Akira broke her arm. She fell down the basement staircase. Her arm looked...weird. It swelled up immediately so we put ice on it. By the time we got to the hospital the swelling was very minimal and she said she wasn't really hurting that badly. I thought it was just a sprain and we were wasting our time at the hospital. But turns out it was broken clear through from one side of her bone to the other. I keep forgetting I haven't gone to medical school. Luckily she will only have to keep her cast on for 3 weeks. She is very disappointed that she can't ride her bike or rollerblades or scooter during that time. At this point I figured our camping trip would be in our backyard but the ER doc ok'd us to go as long as Akira didn't swim or hike and we took along plenty of Motrin.

Yeah, off to the mountains. Anakin wasn't with us this weekend. She went to Buena Vista with a friend. We took Akira's bff and she was very good and even a big help with Kiwi. We had great weather the first night. I was a little worried that we would be setting up camp in the dark but Hoss and E and myself got the tent up and dinner started pretty quickly. We were all on our second smores by dark. Kiwi had a rough night. He wasn't very impressed with the sleeping arrangements. I thought he would be stoked considering he got to sleep inbetween Mommy and Daddy. He didn't sleep very well. I think next time we will pack his playpen or just give him his own sleeping bag. We'll have to figure that out before the next trip. We woke up to a dreary looking Saturday morning. It wasn't raining but there wasn't much sun either. Not a big deal, we all brought warm clothes. I managed to read an entire People magazine while Kiwi napped and the kids made some friends at the playground. We just sat around in our chairs watching the chipmunks and hummingbirds flit around us. My husband is definitely an outdoorsman. That was the happiest and most relaxed I've seen him in awhile. He got to fish for about 20 minutes before it started to storm. If it was just rain we would have been ok, but the rain was accompanied by some pretty scary lightening. We ended up coming home early Saturday night. I think we were sitting down to some Little Caesars by 5:30.

Oh well, there's always next time.

Setting up camp

Playing a round of lasso golf

There's a Kiwi under there.

K's new cast.

Our garden

I have so many pics of the garden but I'm unable to upload any pics from my camera. I hope to fix that soon. Stacey and I are co-farmers. We technically were co-farmers last year but as I was 8-10 months pregnant last summer, she did all of the gardening herself while I hid inside with the A/C cranked full blast. Although I do think I did a tremendous job supervising. This year we are planting: lettuce, peas, cabbage, corn, beets, brussel sprouts, leeks, radishes, strawberries, tomatoes, green peppers, and jalapenos. Hoss built us a fence to keep the dogs out and tried to cut off his thumb in the process. He probably could have used a couple of stitches but instead he just super glued it shut. Ewww. He asked for my help with the surgery and I promptly refused. I did however offer to drive him to the Dr's office, he politely declined my offer and muttered something about how "real men don't need no stinkin' stitches". Anyway, it's snowing lots and lots right now so I brought in the strawberries and tomatoes last night. I hope what we already have in the ground survives this storm. Keeping my fingers crossed. Speaking of all the snow I think I'm going to ask for a snowblower as a gift this year. Hoss is usually gone when it snows and the kids aren't much help. They don't have much upper arm strength, they are such weaklings. Eli lasts the longest outside but he spends most of his time shoveling designs in the culdesac. I am sore for 3 days after shoveling the walk and driveway. And my favorite chiropracter has moved to Panama. Darn him, following Gods calling and all that jazz. Hoss says it's better to shovel early, even if it's still snowing, makes it easier to keep up with. I think it's better to wait till it's done snowing then shovel. Doesn't that make more sense?

Cheap home security system

Found this, thought it was funny:



Here are some instructions for installing a home security system yourself.



1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men’s used size 14-16 work boots.



2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.



3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.



4. Leave a note on your door that reads:



Bubba,



I went for more ammo and beer. Back in an hour. Don’t mess with the pit bulls - they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. I don’t think Killer took part but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of ‘em in the house. Better wait outside.



Cooter

I am a Mixed Chick hopeful

I have never liked my hair. Never. It is so hard to take care of. My dad is mixed black and mexican. My mom is a redhead with freckles. I have naturally curly hair that is very course, kinky and tightly curled. And I have LOTS of it. I have tried so many styling products, I usually end up mixing a few together to get the best results. I don't like spending too much time on my hair mostly because I know the end result will mostly look the same. I just found out about a new hair product called Mixed Chicks. It looks very promising. So promising that I ordered some online today. I am hopeful after seeing some of the before and after pictures and reading a few of the tesimonials but of course that is on the company's website so who knows? It should arrive in about 1 week and I can't wait to try it.

Who will be on poop patrol?

The kids and I went to the Humane Society today and spent almost 5 hours there looking at dogs. I found 2 that I want to be mine so badly. I'm pretty sure I should wait till Hoss gets home but man was I tempted to bring them home NOW! Here are my reasons:


1. He would say yes anyway, I'd only have to ask.


2. He is gone so much, the pooch would be mainly my responsibility.


3. I'm still a little sore about him taking a job without talking to me about it 1st. (who me? hold a grudge? nah.)


It was so hard to leave without bringing at least 1 of them home. This coming from the girl that was terrified of dogs as a young girl. I still remember being bit on the butt by a little yippy thing in the 4th grade. *shudder at the memory*
Jazz is 14 and we both think it would be better to get a dog now while she is still with us rather than after. We keep telling ourselves it won't feel like she is being replaced if we do it that way. It is going to be so hard. Somedays she acts her age, very slow and tired and her back legs have started to give out on stairs. Other days she acts like a puppy and doesn't slow down. I remember when Hoss and I first got married, she would go on hunger strikes whenever he left town. She would lay by the front door of our townhome and refuse to eat until he returned. I think she was just pouting because I took over "her" recliner. Hoss had a matching set of leather recliners and one was his and the other belonged to her. She ignored me for the first 3 months of our marriage unless she was taking a moment to stick her tongue out at me. (I swear she used to do it!) Now she is my buddy. She is still Hoss' lap dog (only because he is the only one with a lap big enough to hold her) but she and I are close. She wasn't quite sure what to think of the dogs we visited today. One we will probably end up getting is a 5 yr old male blue heeler. A little overweight, but we can fix that by taking long walks. The other I fell in love with was an 8 year old male Boston Terrier. We need to hurry up and move out of the city so I can get them all! This is Snickers:

This is Domino:





I want him. *sigh*

A teenager in our midst.

Hoss is freaking out because Ana has started wearing makeup. Just eyeshadow and lip gloss, but still, he acts as if she just announced her engagement. It's funny, he keeps muttering something about having daughters and being a proud gun owner. She asked me first before she bought any and then I showed her how to not leave the house looking like a clown or streetwalker. Nobody ever showed me how to wear makeup so I'm sure there are plenty of pics in existance that show me looking like Bozo. She is the very last of her friends to start wearing make up. Hoss should be thankful it took this long. She is the only one of her friends who doesn't have a cell phone *gasp*! Some of her friends act as if she is being abused. I don't really have a problem with her having a cell phone, she just needs to get a job to pay for it herself. Pretty simple really. I do have a problem when I see the 1st graders at my kids' school pull out their phones as soon as the bell rings at the end of the day. Those parents just need to be slapped. Hard. We did go ahead and get the kids their own phone # here at the house. More for my benefit really. This way I don't have to answer the phone when I hear their ring. Ana is the only one that uses it really, Akira doesn't make many phone calls ...yet. And Eli is a 9 yr old boy. Ana gets about 7 calls every night. Same conversation with each friend it seems. What are you wearing tomorrow? Are you coming over this weekend? Mr. Ressler is sooo hard! Did you see so-and-so holding hands?!Her number rings way more often than ours, a sad example of how I do not have much of a life. Hoss thinks it is a new sport though. He loves torturing her when someone calls. If he makes it to the phone first he makes sure to answer in his most embarrassing accent and then carries on a conversation with her friends while Ana is jumping at him trying to get the phone before dad humiliates her totally. If by chance she does reach the phone first, Hoss promptly picks up another handset to be as annoying as possible. That's when I hear "Mom, make him stop!" Being able to torture and humiliate your children, ah, the joys of parenthood.

Coming soon: smaller, svelte, Shislers

Ok, so I'm trying to lose weight. Not baby weight. No, I've already lost that. I'm trying to lose the weight I gained before I got pregnant. The Thyroid Weight. I blame it on my thyroid that had a mind of it's own for awhile. I don't want to sound like Oprah and blame it entirely on my thyroid. I will also lay blame on grieving when my dad died, being lonely when Hoss is gone and consoling myself with a bag of Doritos, being a regular at Mi Tierra, my friend Ben & his pal Jerry, the list goes on and on. Basically I'm tired of listening to my husband lie to me when I complain about being overweight. He is a horrible liar. He says all the right things-
"You just had a baby" (Kiwi is 7 months old)

"You look fine" (translation, "Hurry up and get in the car!")

"You're not that overweight..." (Ok, this one just makes me mad)

So to save my beloved from going to hell (Uncle Stan says liars go to hell) I am very seriously working on becoming healthy. I'm just saying that because all the people and programs tell me to not look at myself as a number on the scale, my goal should be health and living life to the fullest. Yeah, yeah, I want all that but I also want to be a smaller number on the scale. I am not brave enough to post my actual weight, but I will say that my goal is to lose 37 lbs. That probably sounds like too much for me but it's not. That's how much weight I've gained since I got married. That will put me back at a weight I am comfortable being nekked in. I'm walking everyday at least 1 mile, but almost always 3 miles. Could use a walking buddy, Kiwi doesn't talk much, the dogs get distracted easily and tear after squirrels and Hoss won't go with me. Oh that reminds me- I love my husband dearly, but he also needs to get healthy. He doesn't seem to believe this. He has a very positive image of himself or he is living in the land of denial. He thinks I am just being critical. I have a natural tendancy to do that so he's not too far off base. But I've seen the number on his scale and it's way too high. I know, I know, he's a big & tall man, blah, blah , blah. I watch him salt his salad, his fruit, his fries. He has a family to stick around for. He needs to eat healthier and since I do most of the cooking, he really has no choice, at least when he is home. So check back, I'm going to post our progress. I'm making it a contest. We have a certain amount of $ that has been given to us recently and we can't agree how to spend it. Hoss wants a shed, I want a bathtub in our master bath. Whoever is the Biggest Loser will get to decide how to spend it. Go team Monkey!

Bittersweet with a glass of milk

We spent a day in Colorado Springs with John's sister for his familys' annual cookie baking event. It was fun and it sucked. It was nice to see everyone, well everyone that showed up anyway. His sister was a cookie baking machine. She made over 400 buckeyes. The idea is to bake tons of cookies and then every family leaves with a selection of all that was baked. And everyone gets to visit and catch up and hang out. All the kids got along amazingly well. No big fights and absolutely no bloodshed. Then on the other hand it sucked because I cried myself to sleep Saturday night. I missed Dad so much. This Christmas sucks, and that sucks because Christmas is my favorite holiday. I love everything about it. Usually. Not this year. I didn't send out any cards, didn't want to decorate but did of course because the kids couldn't wait any longer. I am just one big giant bah humbug this year. I feel like everyone is walking around just living their normal life and not knowing how much we are missing our dad and our first Christmas without him. I feel like they should all know what is gone. Even people that didn't know him. I feel like just sleeping until it is all over. Don't try to talk me out of it either, because I'm very grumpy if I'm woken up and I may bite!

Missing dad

Is it possible to backslide in the grief process? I was frozen when Dad first died and have eventually gotten better with living life again. But lately I feel like I'm back on that July day when he died. I dream about him, I miss him. I am so happy that we are having a baby, but then I think about it and I am so sad. Dad was such a great grandpa and he will not know this baby. Or this baby will not know him and that's just wrong. Today was Thanksgiving. I did fine most of the day, I think we all did. The kids and I went to my in-laws. It was nice seeing everyone. John showed up for dinner before he had to leave for work so that was nice. It wasn't until I got home that I got really sad because dad wasn't here. We're sad most of the time because he isn't here, but I guess holidays will really compound that sadness. Every other day is busy filled with everyday life that has to get done. The day was mostly ok it's just our new normal I guess. We all have to adjust to not seeing him at the table or in the kitchen making guacamole. I miss him a lot today. I can't imagine how mom is feeling. She of course won't say it, but I can hear her cry at night sometimes and it is the most heartbreaking sound. It's the kind of cry I hadn't heard before Dad died. It was the first holiday without him, I'm not sure how we will get through Christmas. I keep seeing that gross disgusting summer sausage and cheese sets when I'm out shopping. I cried in Costco the other day because I was staring at freakin summer sausage! At least now, passersby will just think I am some crazy pregnant lady with too many hormones running through her. Maybe I will buy him one. I always bought Dad one for Christmas.

snow, snow, snow, snow

Whoohooo, it snowed! That makes me so happy. Although it has been nice still being able to wear capris and short sleeve shirts. The kids don't have school today and I'm determined to finish getting the house put together before they go back on Monday. Most everything is done, except there aren't pictures hung and one room still needs the trim painted. Other than that it's very liveable. I'm watching the kids play outside. They are all bundled in every piece of winter attire they own, and are acting as if we got a blizzard! Really quite sad actually. Maybe I'll get a good picture for this years Christmas card though. I refuse to be in it, someone may bust out a harpoon! I told Hoss the only way he'd get me in this years photo is if he photoshops me in and considering he asks for help everytime he checks his email, I don't think that is going to happen.

Dude, it wasn't me, it was the baby

I promise all my blogs will not be about me being pregnant. I feel waaay out of practice when it comes to doing this. I know pregnancy isn't something you practice necessarily but considering E is almost 8, some of this stuff happening to me feels completely new and weird! The Shisler baby appears to be a vegetarian. I can't stand the smell or taste of most meat right now. It tastes fine going down but not so good about 10 minutes later. Hopefully that is only temporary insanity. And I've not had any morning sickness yet. That is quite the change from my other experiences. I was so sick with E that I lost 14 pounds early on. Is that a good sign? Shouldn't all pregnancies have some morning sickness? Or does the aversion to meat count as mine? I'm already wearing maternity jeans. I'm only 7 weeks along but the zippers weren't working anymore! I've managed to get away with just buying bigger shirts and tops, most shirts these days are baggy and 'flowing' anyway. I'm sure it has something to do with the weight gain from losing my thyroid, but still- I feel and look ( according to some) like I'm 5 months pregnant! I will NOT be complaining about the bigger boobs! Those make me feel 18 again. Plus it's cheap entertainment for my husband so that's always nice.

Simba the lion king

Dearest baby Shisler, we can't wait to meet you. Baby Shisler is due on July 14, 2008. July 14th. The day dad died. It makes me incrediby happy and incredibly sad. My mom thinks it is the perfect day to have a baby. It will make the anniversary easier to deal with. I disagree. I think. Wouldn't I always be sad on that day? This poor baby will have a complex! Mom- why are you always so sad on my birthday? Don't you love me?! Yeah, I can see it now. Therapy is too expensive, so wouldn't it be better just to have another birthday?
John says it makes sense. He says so many things happen that way. The circle of life or something like that. I think he saw the Lion King one too many times. When something ends, something always shows us the new beginning. A very close friend of John's got a long awaited kidney transplant the day before dad died. A new beginning. Good friends of mine had a baby on the same day. A new beginning. We are due to have a baby. A new beginning. I guess I see his point. Then again I just don't like it. I'm the mama, and if it's up to me I'll just hold her in until the 15! Or I'll go 4 wheeling on the 13th! I'll figure something out by then. In the meantime, the kids are super excited. Almost as excited as John. Have you ever seen a 6'7" man do a cartwheel? He is over the moon. Maybe a little too far gone actually. He said maybe I shouldn't go into work because I tend to get stressed out while I'm there. Soon, he'll be saying I shouldn't bother making dinner, or doing laundry or breathing in and out! OK, I'm exagerating, but not by much. He is totally enjoying this and I could get really spoiled during this incubation period! Stace & Lin say I should go with it. After all, it is a new experience for me too. Actually planning a pregnancy and for once being thrilled with the news. We've got a date for the adoption also. If anyone told me 3 years ago this would be my life today, I'd have thought you were completely insane!!