Bittersweet with a glass of milk

We spent a day in Colorado Springs with John's sister for his familys' annual cookie baking event. It was fun and it sucked. It was nice to see everyone, well everyone that showed up anyway. His sister was a cookie baking machine. She made over 400 buckeyes. The idea is to bake tons of cookies and then every family leaves with a selection of all that was baked. And everyone gets to visit and catch up and hang out. All the kids got along amazingly well. No big fights and absolutely no bloodshed. Then on the other hand it sucked because I cried myself to sleep Saturday night. I missed Dad so much. This Christmas sucks, and that sucks because Christmas is my favorite holiday. I love everything about it. Usually. Not this year. I didn't send out any cards, didn't want to decorate but did of course because the kids couldn't wait any longer. I am just one big giant bah humbug this year. I feel like everyone is walking around just living their normal life and not knowing how much we are missing our dad and our first Christmas without him. I feel like they should all know what is gone. Even people that didn't know him. I feel like just sleeping until it is all over. Don't try to talk me out of it either, because I'm very grumpy if I'm woken up and I may bite!