When Kiwi was about 4 months old we had a binky emergency. It went missing. Everybody in the house searched high and low and couldn't find it. I made a trip to Target to get a replacement and couldn't find the kind he had been using so I just grabbed one and headed home. He refused to take it. We ended up buying every kind of binky sold at Target to get him to sleep and he just would not be comforted. It was a very long night. First thing the very next day I went to the hospital where he was born and bought 8 or 9 binkies because that was the kind he liked. We just opened his last one. I'm not going to buy any more so that means it's time to start weaning from the bink.
Two of my kids sucked their thumb and the other two used a binky. Ana was 14 months old when she handed me her binky one day and never asked for it again. It was the same thing with her bottle, just handed it to me and was done! It's not going to be that easy with Kiwi. This kid loooves his binky. He is only allowed to have it in his bed at nap or bed time. He tries to sneak it at other times but doesn't get away with that too often. In fact when I try to take it out of his mouth he clamps down on it with his teeth and trying to pull it out is like wrestling with a pitbull. He loves that "game"!
I'm not sure how to go about it though. Should I just take it and make him quit cold turkey? Or offer it to him only at night? Only give it to him if he asks for it? Well that last one wouldn't work because it's the first thing he grabs when it's bedtime. As soon as I tell him it's time to get ready for bed he makes a beeline for the drawer we keep it in. He won't say prayers until he has it firmly in place.
This is going to be an adventure.
Aug 27, 2010
Aug 25, 2010
How low can you go?
Music seems to be the only way I feel God lately. My Bible? I read it. Church? I go. Tithe? Check. Devotions with the kids? Yes.
I cry and cry and cry and I ask and I ask and I ask. The response?
**Crickets chirping...**
...
It's frustrating. Definitely at a low point right now. A valley.
"The pathways are broken, and the signs are unclear, and I don't know the reason why You brought me here. But just because You love me the way that You do, I'm going to walk through the valley if You want me to. 'Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first step and I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet. So if all of these trials bring me closer to You, then I will go through the fire if You want me to. It may not be the way I would have chosen when You lead me through a world that's not my home but You never said it would be easy You only said I'd never go alone." ~If you want me to by Ginny Owens
I cry and cry and cry and I ask and I ask and I ask. The response?
**Crickets chirping...**
...
It's frustrating. Definitely at a low point right now. A valley.
"The pathways are broken, and the signs are unclear, and I don't know the reason why You brought me here. But just because You love me the way that You do, I'm going to walk through the valley if You want me to. 'Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first step and I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet. So if all of these trials bring me closer to You, then I will go through the fire if You want me to. It may not be the way I would have chosen when You lead me through a world that's not my home but You never said it would be easy You only said I'd never go alone." ~If you want me to by Ginny Owens
Aug 9, 2010
Aug 6, 2010
The OH SO terrible two's...
This morning E asked me why Kiwi was being such a brat. I explained the phenomenom of the terrible two's to which E replied "Man, I hope he turns 3 soon!"
I hate to say it but lately we all look forward to Kiwi's daily nap time.
Don't let this sweet innocent face fool you:
Look closely at this face, you see it don't you?:
I hate to say it but lately we all look forward to Kiwi's daily nap time.
Don't let this sweet innocent face fool you:
Look closely at this face, you see it don't you?:
Mar 3, 2010
They call him the Streak
At least 3 times every week, I go into Kiwi's room in the mornings and he is buck naked. I am greeted by the cutest little full moon you'll ever see. He has learned how to work zippers, snaps and velcro. So far though, on the mornings he decides to be a Chippendale, he has only peed. Now, I am all for letting my children express their artistic nature, but I feel I'm pressing my luck. I don't want to walk in one morning to a masterpiece he has "painted" so I think I'm going to start putting his pj's on backwards. There is no way he can figure that out.
Right?
Right?
Jan 30, 2010
From the mouths of babes
I sat the 3 older kids down tonight to have a talk.
Because I've heard things.
Things I needed to clarify.
Apparently my kids and my sister's kids have been talking to each other. My kids have been asking their cousins what they know about the things that are going on around here. Did they have any info? The cousins were sent out on a recon mission. Their mission: to find out what their mom, my sister, knows about why Dad moved out and to report back any news. The only thing I told them on the first day he left, was that there was something broken between Mom and Dad and we are going to try to fix it. I told them it had nothing to do with them, they did nothing wrong,
My son has spent the last 2 weeks since my husband left thinking that Dad moved out because he was lying to Mom about eating junk food. He says he has been eating healthy when really he's been lying and eating junk! That is what my son has been thinking all this time.
So I assured him that we wouldn't have separated over a lie about food. They asked more questions than I was expecting. I answered as honestly as I could without giving details. I did finally admit that yes, Dad lied to Mom about something very serious and something that has hurt me and Dad has to figure some things out before we will live together again. I also made sure to say how hard marriage is and Dad puts up with a lot from Mom, and Mom puts up with a lot from Dad, that's just a part of being married. But there are some things a person just doesn't have to put up with. I hope I didn't say too much.
K broke out in tears. Apparently she was terrified that she was going to have to leave too because she got in trouble for lying a few nights ago. This broke my heart. Of course an 11 year old would see it that way. We had a good cry, and many hugs and yes, I turned it into a lesson about lying. I reminded them that No Lying has been our number 2 family rule since each of them was very little. No Hitting is our number 1 rule. It was a good talk.
Because I've heard things.
Things I needed to clarify.
Apparently my kids and my sister's kids have been talking to each other. My kids have been asking their cousins what they know about the things that are going on around here. Did they have any info? The cousins were sent out on a recon mission. Their mission: to find out what their mom, my sister, knows about why Dad moved out and to report back any news. The only thing I told them on the first day he left, was that there was something broken between Mom and Dad and we are going to try to fix it. I told them it had nothing to do with them, they did nothing wrong,
My son has spent the last 2 weeks since my husband left thinking that Dad moved out because he was lying to Mom about eating junk food. He says he has been eating healthy when really he's been lying and eating junk! That is what my son has been thinking all this time.
So I assured him that we wouldn't have separated over a lie about food. They asked more questions than I was expecting. I answered as honestly as I could without giving details. I did finally admit that yes, Dad lied to Mom about something very serious and something that has hurt me and Dad has to figure some things out before we will live together again. I also made sure to say how hard marriage is and Dad puts up with a lot from Mom, and Mom puts up with a lot from Dad, that's just a part of being married. But there are some things a person just doesn't have to put up with. I hope I didn't say too much.
K broke out in tears. Apparently she was terrified that she was going to have to leave too because she got in trouble for lying a few nights ago. This broke my heart. Of course an 11 year old would see it that way. We had a good cry, and many hugs and yes, I turned it into a lesson about lying. I reminded them that No Lying has been our number 2 family rule since each of them was very little. No Hitting is our number 1 rule. It was a good talk.
Jan 24, 2010
18 month well check
Looking good! Kiwi had his 18 month well check last week. He weighs 24 pounds and is 33 1/2 inches long. I think he will be tall like his dad. Probably too soon to tell. His iron count was on the low side. Barely. He has been eating spinach smoothies and beans in absolutely everything since his appt. I'm not kidding. I have been mixing black beans in his yogurt even. Is it wrong that I told him they were blueberries? Actually, I think I was just telling myself that because it was pretty gross- beans in yogurt. Whatever, he gobbles them right up! He is trying hard to talk. He clearly says Mama, Dada, Ana and doggie. That's pretty much it for his vocabulary though. Not sure what that is about, but I'm not going to stress too much about it quite yet. It probably is just the fact that he is the baby of 4 kids and his older siblings will pretty much do anything he wants anytime he just looks cute. We know he can hear fine, so it's not that. He is completly vaccine free and is my healthiest kid by far! It seems his pediatrician has finally accepted that he's not going to get any vaccines. She didn't even give me her usual speech about 'the risks I'm choosing to expose him to'. Or maybe she could tell I was having a really rough day and just let it go this once. My husband had moved out of the house the morning of Kiwi's appointment. I think it may have been obvious I was having a really bad day. Here are some pics of my healthy, growing boy!
Here he is cleaning out one half of a spaghetti squash by himself. The kid loves his veggies.
At his check up. So cute.
His usual sleeping position. I'm not kidding. If it makes anyone feel better, his hands are not actually inside the diaper, just inside his pj's.
Here he is cleaning out one half of a spaghetti squash by himself. The kid loves his veggies.
At his check up. So cute.
His usual sleeping position. I'm not kidding. If it makes anyone feel better, his hands are not actually inside the diaper, just inside his pj's.
Jan 12, 2010
Like nails on a chalkboard
That's it. I've had it. I'm fed up! My older kids are bickering so much with each other lately that when they are doing it I don't even enjoy being in the same house as them, let alone the same room. It's gone beyond normal sibling pestering I think. I was sitting outside on my porch a few weeks ago waiting for the kids to get home from school and I could actually hear my kids before I saw them. A full 5 minutes before I saw them. They were 1 street over and I heard them yelling at each other. When I told them about this E said maybe their voices were carried on the wind and that's the only reason I heard them. (Good thing that kid is cute sometimes!) Seriously, who wants to be those kids' mom? These aren't the kids I've raised. I almost wonder if they are just acting out because their Dad is working so much, who could blame them really? I'm acting up because he's gone so much. Back to the issue though. I have made numerous attempts to end it. I have:
-calmly set them outside and told them they are more than welcome to come back in the house once the bickering is finished because I choose not to hear it.
-sat the offenders together, facing each other and told them they have to name 10 sincere things they love about the other person before they can get up.
-bound their wrists together with a bandana so that they are forced to work together as a team with whatever activites they have to accomplish for the rest of the night. Usually it's homework, eating dinner and doing their dish chore. This one is actually kind of fun to watch. I do let them take it off for bathroom breaks.
I think all of the above ideas are great, creative ways of making it their problem and not mine to solve. But it's just not working. Some brilliant, genius idea needs to come into my brain within the next few days or I'm just going to buy a pair of boxing gloves and lock them in a room together. That's how over it I am. Somebody remind me again why I'm so excited for Kiwi to start talking?
-calmly set them outside and told them they are more than welcome to come back in the house once the bickering is finished because I choose not to hear it.
-sat the offenders together, facing each other and told them they have to name 10 sincere things they love about the other person before they can get up.
-bound their wrists together with a bandana so that they are forced to work together as a team with whatever activites they have to accomplish for the rest of the night. Usually it's homework, eating dinner and doing their dish chore. This one is actually kind of fun to watch. I do let them take it off for bathroom breaks.
I think all of the above ideas are great, creative ways of making it their problem and not mine to solve. But it's just not working. Some brilliant, genius idea needs to come into my brain within the next few days or I'm just going to buy a pair of boxing gloves and lock them in a room together. That's how over it I am. Somebody remind me again why I'm so excited for Kiwi to start talking?
Jan 10, 2010
Jan 1, 2010
Top 22 list why 2010 will kick 2009's butt!
1. I will look in the freezer before I go grocery shopping, no more buying items in triplicate.
2. I will listen to the hearts of my children during unemotional times. Find out who they really are and why.
3. I will no longer deny that Friday is my favorite day of the week because that's when the mailman delivers my People magazine. There is no shame here.
4. I will not adopt a dog this year. I can't allow the amount of 4 legged children I have out number my 2 legged kind.
5. I will get my photos off the computer and into photo albums. This will probably be a year long project but I'm up for the task.
6. Quit trying to win approval from that one elusive relationship. Nothing I do will ever be good enough so I will stop trying. I will enjoy the freedom that comes with this release.
7. Dust my ceiling fans more than 2x's per year.
8. Quit grumbling every time I buy clothes for my husband. It's not fair that I should pay more for a "little" extra fabric to cover his bigness and tallness. I've married a giant, it's a reality I've got to come to terms with.
9. Give in and buy a new T.V.- 1989 called, they want their boob-tube back. And while I'm at it I will also get rid of dial up internet service.
10. Take a family vacation. Even if that means I have to get on an airplane.
11. Not audibly* sigh every time someone says "Well, at least he makes good money" when I complain about my husband being gone so much with work. Really people, you have no clue. *This technically means I can still sigh inaudibly.
12. I will aggressively fight back and win the battle over my health. I will do everything possible to avoid a hysterectomy. I am putting away the welcome mat and posting an eviction notice- Shad, Rad, and Bennie (what I've affectionately named my tumors) you've got to go. Sorry boys but my uterus is no longer your humble abode.
13. I will write more. Make plans so that when Kiwi enters kindergarten, I will go back to school and pursue my passion of writing. If my mother-in-love can do it in her 60's then I can do it in my late twenties.
14. I will be a better neighbor. I bake cookies when someone shovels my walk or mows the lawn but when is the last time I invited them to church?
15. I will clip Kiwi's nails more often. Seriously, he's going to take an eye out.
16. I will call Kiwi by his given name more often. I don't think the boy knows his real name.
17. Quit trying to hide that I say "Dude!" and "Awesome" a lot. Be a proud child of the 80's/90's and let my freak flag fly a little higher this year.
18. Spend more time with my children individually. Really single them out and zone in on my favorite.
19. Cut my hair. I only keep it long because my husband likes it that way. New deal: when he quits chewing- I'll wear my hair long.
20. Find a theater group for E to join. Help my husband realize that our son is not going to be an all-star athlete, but he may just thank us in his award acceptance speech and buy us that dream home of ours.
21. Not 'venti' size anything this year.
22. Quit denying that I have a 2nd strong willed child in my life. Obviously God has more faith in my parenting abilities than I do because I am the proud mother of not 1 but 2 of these blessed little beasts.
Happy New Year!
2. I will listen to the hearts of my children during unemotional times. Find out who they really are and why.
3. I will no longer deny that Friday is my favorite day of the week because that's when the mailman delivers my People magazine. There is no shame here.
4. I will not adopt a dog this year. I can't allow the amount of 4 legged children I have out number my 2 legged kind.
5. I will get my photos off the computer and into photo albums. This will probably be a year long project but I'm up for the task.
6. Quit trying to win approval from that one elusive relationship. Nothing I do will ever be good enough so I will stop trying. I will enjoy the freedom that comes with this release.
7. Dust my ceiling fans more than 2x's per year.
8. Quit grumbling every time I buy clothes for my husband. It's not fair that I should pay more for a "little" extra fabric to cover his bigness and tallness. I've married a giant, it's a reality I've got to come to terms with.
9. Give in and buy a new T.V.- 1989 called, they want their boob-tube back. And while I'm at it I will also get rid of dial up internet service.
10. Take a family vacation. Even if that means I have to get on an airplane.
11. Not audibly* sigh every time someone says "Well, at least he makes good money" when I complain about my husband being gone so much with work. Really people, you have no clue. *This technically means I can still sigh inaudibly.
12. I will aggressively fight back and win the battle over my health. I will do everything possible to avoid a hysterectomy. I am putting away the welcome mat and posting an eviction notice- Shad, Rad, and Bennie (what I've affectionately named my tumors) you've got to go. Sorry boys but my uterus is no longer your humble abode.
13. I will write more. Make plans so that when Kiwi enters kindergarten, I will go back to school and pursue my passion of writing. If my mother-in-love can do it in her 60's then I can do it in my late twenties.
14. I will be a better neighbor. I bake cookies when someone shovels my walk or mows the lawn but when is the last time I invited them to church?
15. I will clip Kiwi's nails more often. Seriously, he's going to take an eye out.
16. I will call Kiwi by his given name more often. I don't think the boy knows his real name.
17. Quit trying to hide that I say "Dude!" and "Awesome" a lot. Be a proud child of the 80's/90's and let my freak flag fly a little higher this year.
18. Spend more time with my children individually. Really single them out and zone in on my favorite.
19. Cut my hair. I only keep it long because my husband likes it that way. New deal: when he quits chewing- I'll wear my hair long.
20. Find a theater group for E to join. Help my husband realize that our son is not going to be an all-star athlete, but he may just thank us in his award acceptance speech and buy us that dream home of ours.
21. Not 'venti' size anything this year.
22. Quit denying that I have a 2nd strong willed child in my life. Obviously God has more faith in my parenting abilities than I do because I am the proud mother of not 1 but 2 of these blessed little beasts.
Happy New Year!
Dec 29, 2009
Update on the tumas.
I'm 3 1/2 months pregnant. At least that's what I look like. The biopsy came back benign so my Dr is treating me for fibroids. I am so swollen it's driving me crazy. Pretty soon I'm going to have to start wearing my maternity clothes. I have been looking at some of the pictures of myself at Christmas and I really do look pregnant. I'm just waiting for somebody to say something. That will be a fun time. Scripture tells me to find the joy in every situation. Every feeling and emotion I'm dealing with Jesus has also felt. I must keep skipping over that passage where Jesus deals with the golf ball sized tumors in his uterus. The embarrassment of knowing people in my life are thinking I am just getting fat(er). I haven't told anyone except my sisters and my small group. I'm sure most people think I should just lay off the cookies already! I want to carry a sign that says "Yes I'm fat but here is why!" (I'm probably going to be struck by lightening today having just typed that bit about Jesus and his uterus. No sense in erasing it now, God knows I've already thought it.)
I do have a few options on how to deal with the fibroids. All medical procedures of course. I asked my Dr if there was any way to treat them naturally, she said no, my only options are the 3 procedures she listed and then looked at my as if to say "Stop being so silly!". Well I don't buy into that. So here is my plan: I'm going to see if changing my diet will have any affect on them. Even if they don't disappear totally, maybe they will at least shrink. I'm going to become a member of Disease Proof, Dr. Joel Fuhrman's website. He has so much information on that site that I believe in. He wrote the book Eat to Live, he writes that our bodies were created to heal themselves, cancer is a (mostly) preventable disease, people are killing themselves by living on the Standard American Diet. I'm going to a new Chiropractor and I believe she will also be able to help me avoid a hysterectomy. Hopefully this will work, I am going to give it 3 months and check back in with my GYN to see if there have been any changes in the size of the tumors. Although if my new approach does work like I have faith it will, I hope I'll be able to see for myself that they have shrunk, without needing an ultrasound. Lets pray 2010 will be a fibroid free year!
I do have a few options on how to deal with the fibroids. All medical procedures of course. I asked my Dr if there was any way to treat them naturally, she said no, my only options are the 3 procedures she listed and then looked at my as if to say "Stop being so silly!". Well I don't buy into that. So here is my plan: I'm going to see if changing my diet will have any affect on them. Even if they don't disappear totally, maybe they will at least shrink. I'm going to become a member of Disease Proof, Dr. Joel Fuhrman's website. He has so much information on that site that I believe in. He wrote the book Eat to Live, he writes that our bodies were created to heal themselves, cancer is a (mostly) preventable disease, people are killing themselves by living on the Standard American Diet. I'm going to a new Chiropractor and I believe she will also be able to help me avoid a hysterectomy. Hopefully this will work, I am going to give it 3 months and check back in with my GYN to see if there have been any changes in the size of the tumors. Although if my new approach does work like I have faith it will, I hope I'll be able to see for myself that they have shrunk, without needing an ultrasound. Lets pray 2010 will be a fibroid free year!
Dec 25, 2009
Merry Christmas
In less than an hour it will be Christmas. Hoss is in PA, we are not. We had planned to spend Christmas out there with him since he is working but that was before we knew we would be moving so I wanted to spend Christmas out here with my family. Who knows how long it will be before we all spend another one together? The house is quiet, all of the kids are asleep, all of the dogs are asleep, Jazz is under the desk keeping my feet warm, Santa's cookies and rice milk are waiting for him on the kitchen counter, our very own Charlie Brown Christmas tree is lit up and Christmas music is playing thru my desktop speakers. The kids and I went to an early (3:30 pm)Christmas Eve service at our church, then stayed to volunteer in the nursery for the next service. E and K had big plans for this year. E got a new telescope for Christmas from Papa & Nana and they were going to use it to look for The Big Fat Guy in the Red Suit. (Hmmm, I just noticed I am wearing my red pajamas, I think I will go change right this very moment). They were tracking Santa all night on www.noradsanta.org, and were determined to pull an all-nighter. This was going to be the year for a sighting, finally! Banana was the first one to go to bed. I'm positive I saw the other 2 kids high five when she went down to her room. I can't really blame them, she isn't the most pleasant person to be around lately. Oh the joys of being 13. Well, K gave in just after 10pm and by 10:30 they were all 3 snoring away. I guess that's what happens when you stay up late watching movies on Dec 23rd, you just aren't very well rested for a Christmas Eve all night stake out. Gee, it's almost as if I had that one planned out...
Merry Christmas to everyone!
Merry Christmas to everyone!
Nov 19, 2009
Maybe it's a tuma. (said in my best Ahnold voice)
Dear God, please please don't let this be serious. I'm freaking out. I just signed a new life insurance policy on Monday. Tuesday morning my world was knocked off its scheduled, list making axis a little. I run my household like a well oiled machine. A machine that I like to drive. It could be argued that I have control issues. So what? You want to make something of it? I'm always up for a good argument. If arguing was an Olympic sport I would have won gold. Well truthfully I probably would have been kicked off the team due to steroid use. Or poor sportsmanship like behavior. See where I'm going with this? I know this is an area that I will always wrestle God with. Well hopefully not always but certainly until I grow and mature in my faith enough to fully trust him. Does that ever really happen? I know my children and my husband, family, home, life, everything I have, every breath I take are all a gift from God but when it comes down to it does He really know how to take care of my family better than I do? This is a lesson I've been struggling with for many years. As many years as I've been a follower of Christ, so lets see...9 years now. That's a long time to deal with any problem. Maybe HE is finally fed up with wrestling with me. Maybe HE has decided now is a good time to relinquish all control. I'm not sure my Papa understands just how much my family means to me. I have 4 children and 1 husband that would not make it without me. Well the children would recover but I'm not so sure about my man. I have my reasons for worrying about him more. Don't even get me started on what my sisters mean to me.
I'm pretty sure only my sister reads this so I'm going to go into detail here. I went in for my annual exam and it turned out to be a not so routine appointment. The Dr wanted to do an ultrasound right then but I had plans. An ultrasound wasn't on my list of things to do that day. (It's a sickness I know.) I was busy getting ready to leave for a weekend away with my husband so I scheduled it for when we returned. On Tuesday I had a 3D ultrasound and found 3 tumors growing in my uterus. (I've always wanted one of those 3D ultrasounds when I was pregnant but I never wanted to pay the extra money for it. Now I finally get one and there is no baby in there to take pictures of. Just ugly ugly tumas- Arnold voice again). Anyway, they could be fibroid tumas which are fairly common and can just be monitored. My Dr. did say they just keep growing though and one of them is already a considerable size and my uterus is enlarged. My husband and I have both noticed it, I look about 2-3 months pregnant some days but with all my medical expertise I ignored it for a very long time because I thought maybe it was a result of having a cesarean delivery with Kiwi. I thought maybe the uterus doesn't shrink down the same like it would after a vaginal birth. I keep forgetting that I in fact have not gone to medical school and do not walk around in a white coat with "Dr." printed on it. I finally went in to the Dr because I've been having such heavy periods for months now. I quit nursing Kiwi about 4 months ago and that is when I noticed the difference in my cycle. I am bleeding for 15 days out of every month and for 3 days it is so heavy and painful that I can't leave the house. I'm seriously housebound. Such fun! I would like to pause and take a moment here to say thank you to my ancestor Eve. I really hope that apple was worth it. It better have been a Granny Smith, those are the best ones anyway. If all this pain was caused by a Jona Gold or Golden Delicious (gag) then we're going to have some words when I meet you one day. Moving on...
The dr said my uterus wall is so thin that I could not safely carry another baby. I guess this is what happens when at 10 months pregnant you are as big around as you are tall. With E and Kiwi both I measured 57 inches around and I am only 61 inches tall. I have big babies. I am a great incubator. The door to having another child has been shut. I feel for my husband. He doesn't feel like our family is complete. I could have gone either way. I would have another baby for Hoss if it meant that much to him and well because it's a baby. I think I will have baby urges until I die. That's a good reason to volunteer in the nursery at church. I can go in and sniff all the newborn baby smell and get my fix and then get out of there. Plus, my younger sisters will probably all have babies one day. I will be an awesome Tia and get to hold babies babies babies. My reasons for not having any more children are because:
1. We already have 4 happy, healthy children and I'm eternally grateful for them.
2. I am enjoying my time with Kiwi so much. Raising him with Hoss is such a different experience for me. I enjoy being his mommy. I enjoy the little things more than I did with the older kids. When Kiwi wants to stop to play with a crack in the sidewalk I let him. I'm not so frantically focused on just trying to survive each day like I used to be.
3. I do not want to experience a cesarean delivery ever again.
So I will sadly say goodbye to that chapter in my life. I will trust the Author of my life with each next chapter. I will try really really hard not to write the book myself. (Maybe He will let me edit it before publication?)
I am having a biopsy done tomorrow. They will biopsy the actual tumas and my uterine lining. It will be a very long weekend waiting for results. If the tumas are fibroid tumas and keep growing I may need to have a hysterectomy. I would definitely get a second opinion and will be meeting with a holistic nutritionist that I know. Going straight to a hysterectomy just seems a little drastic to me. If the tumas are not just fibroid tumas...well I don't know. I haven't thought much beyond that point.
I'm pretty sure only my sister reads this so I'm going to go into detail here. I went in for my annual exam and it turned out to be a not so routine appointment. The Dr wanted to do an ultrasound right then but I had plans. An ultrasound wasn't on my list of things to do that day. (It's a sickness I know.) I was busy getting ready to leave for a weekend away with my husband so I scheduled it for when we returned. On Tuesday I had a 3D ultrasound and found 3 tumors growing in my uterus. (I've always wanted one of those 3D ultrasounds when I was pregnant but I never wanted to pay the extra money for it. Now I finally get one and there is no baby in there to take pictures of. Just ugly ugly tumas- Arnold voice again). Anyway, they could be fibroid tumas which are fairly common and can just be monitored. My Dr. did say they just keep growing though and one of them is already a considerable size and my uterus is enlarged. My husband and I have both noticed it, I look about 2-3 months pregnant some days but with all my medical expertise I ignored it for a very long time because I thought maybe it was a result of having a cesarean delivery with Kiwi. I thought maybe the uterus doesn't shrink down the same like it would after a vaginal birth. I keep forgetting that I in fact have not gone to medical school and do not walk around in a white coat with "Dr." printed on it. I finally went in to the Dr because I've been having such heavy periods for months now. I quit nursing Kiwi about 4 months ago and that is when I noticed the difference in my cycle. I am bleeding for 15 days out of every month and for 3 days it is so heavy and painful that I can't leave the house. I'm seriously housebound. Such fun! I would like to pause and take a moment here to say thank you to my ancestor Eve. I really hope that apple was worth it. It better have been a Granny Smith, those are the best ones anyway. If all this pain was caused by a Jona Gold or Golden Delicious (gag) then we're going to have some words when I meet you one day. Moving on...
The dr said my uterus wall is so thin that I could not safely carry another baby. I guess this is what happens when at 10 months pregnant you are as big around as you are tall. With E and Kiwi both I measured 57 inches around and I am only 61 inches tall. I have big babies. I am a great incubator. The door to having another child has been shut. I feel for my husband. He doesn't feel like our family is complete. I could have gone either way. I would have another baby for Hoss if it meant that much to him and well because it's a baby. I think I will have baby urges until I die. That's a good reason to volunteer in the nursery at church. I can go in and sniff all the newborn baby smell and get my fix and then get out of there. Plus, my younger sisters will probably all have babies one day. I will be an awesome Tia and get to hold babies babies babies. My reasons for not having any more children are because:
1. We already have 4 happy, healthy children and I'm eternally grateful for them.
2. I am enjoying my time with Kiwi so much. Raising him with Hoss is such a different experience for me. I enjoy being his mommy. I enjoy the little things more than I did with the older kids. When Kiwi wants to stop to play with a crack in the sidewalk I let him. I'm not so frantically focused on just trying to survive each day like I used to be.
3. I do not want to experience a cesarean delivery ever again.
So I will sadly say goodbye to that chapter in my life. I will trust the Author of my life with each next chapter. I will try really really hard not to write the book myself. (Maybe He will let me edit it before publication?)
I am having a biopsy done tomorrow. They will biopsy the actual tumas and my uterine lining. It will be a very long weekend waiting for results. If the tumas are fibroid tumas and keep growing I may need to have a hysterectomy. I would definitely get a second opinion and will be meeting with a holistic nutritionist that I know. Going straight to a hysterectomy just seems a little drastic to me. If the tumas are not just fibroid tumas...well I don't know. I haven't thought much beyond that point.
Nov 12, 2009
I don't want to be the grown up!
This is a very hard role for me to play. I'm trying trying to be supportive of my husband. I want to have his back, I want him to know that I have his back. Always. That doesn't come easy for me. I think I may have spent too many years alone, being a single parent, not having to share decisions with anyone. Hoss is taking a job in Pennsylvania. Well he already works in Pennsylvania but he is taking a promotion that requires him to live in the area he will be in charge of. He will work 3 weeks on and have 1 week off. During his 3 weeks on he will be on call. But unless there is a situation that requires him to go out to one of the rigs, he will be home every night. He will be home every night! This would be the best move for our marriage. His current schedule is very tough on us as a couple and as a family. He is gone a lot. It's difficult to feel close to somebody that is gone half of the year. I'm absolutely terrified about moving across the country. I've lived here since I was a baby. My kids have built their lives here. It will be hard to watch the kids have to say goodbye to their friends. I'm not terribly worried about E. He has already told me that if we do move to PA, we will only be a few hours from a beach and the Hershey's factory is out there. But age 9 is different from age 14. It will be very sad for Banana. She is starting highschool next year. That's a tough age to have to start all over. But I've told her that I don't want to say No to God. I feel like he is leading us on this journey. Literally a journey. And although it's not what I want to happen, I don't want to say No to Him. I also want to say Yes to Hoss. He works very hard for our family. His job allows me to stay home with Kiwi. He is excited about this opportunity and experience. We have to just look at it as an adventure. One that we will take together.
Sometimes I don't like being the adult.
Sometimes I don't like being the adult.
Oct 5, 2009
Being a Cub Scout Mama
It's Camporee time! Camporee is a camping weekend with E's Webelos troop. I, being the Webelos leader feel obligated to attend. It's gonna be cold. I don't like to be cold. I don't like to be hot either but right now I'm focused on how much I don't enjoy being cold. I can handle the cold if I'm at home, under a blanket, with a fire burning ever so brightly in the fireplace. But we're going to be outside! All day! I will admit that I'm not staying for the entire weekend. I'm not crazy after all. No way no how am I going to be sleeping in a tent for 2 nights freezing my cha chas offs. If Hoss were also going and I had him to snuggle with in a sleeping bag, well that would be a different story. I don't want to be away from Kiwi that long so E and I are going Saturday only. I'm so glad I have a baby to use as an excuse. Actually it's true. Hoss and I are going away for a long weekend next month to Estes Park, and unless I smuggle him into my suitcase, I'll have to spend my first weekend away from Kiwi then. I bet he would fit, hmm...
Anyway, I'm getting our fishing gear ready for Saturday. I hope and pray E is feeling better by then. He's been down with the flu for almost a week already. It would be a shame if we had to miss it *wink *wink ;)
Anyway, I'm getting our fishing gear ready for Saturday. I hope and pray E is feeling better by then. He's been down with the flu for almost a week already. It would be a shame if we had to miss it *wink *wink ;)
Sep 19, 2009
Who needs drugs, we've got silly putty
Update on Bleu's school behavior. An idea that came out of the brainstorming was to homeschool him. I don't really want to homeschool, he doesn't want to be homeschooled either. At least not by me. I told him he has until October 1 to show some serious improvement or he will begin homeschooling October 2. This has totally lit a fire under that skinny little butt of his! I have seen an entirely different kid this week. His teacher has also seen this new kid. I haven't had to remind him to stay on task while getting ready in the morning. He gets out of bed the first time I call him, he is down to breakfast quickly and is even getting his backpack ready without a reminder. He even got a positive referral from school on Friday for having all his homework turned in A DAY EARLY and completing his classwork during the assigned time! So I've learned the secret to modify a childs unfocused behavior: just threaten to homeschool him! Huh- who knew? His teacher is also allowing him to keep a wad of silly putty in his desk. He kind of kneads it with his free hand while she is explaining a lesson or giving instructions and instead of being a distraction it is actually helping him to concentrate better. Not sure what that is about, but we'll just go with it.
Sep 14, 2009
Drugs are not the answer.
I recently had a conversation with my sons' 4th grade teacher about Bleu's lack of concentration in class. She thinks he has a problem. Apparently serious enough for her to suggest medical intervention. Now I know that he is a scatterbrain, (please, of course I know this, I am his mother), but I wonder- doesn't every parent of a boy know the same truth? It's just how boys are. They aren't programmed to sit at a desk all day. He isn't made that way. He needs to be active and engaged, not just reading from a textbook or listening to a lesson. I'm not going to make excuses for him either. He does need to be respectful of his teacher and classmates. He knows that being a student is his job, and only he can take responsibility for his behavior and his actions. My boy is so creative, and smart, and funny. I am not going to medicate my son so that he will be easier to deal with as a student. Nope, not going to happen. We are super organized here at home when it comes to schoolwork. Each child has a cubby area for their school work and all things school related. I do tend to be more strict than most parents. I tell my son often that I've already graduated from 4th grade, this is his job. It's not my problem that he forgot to turn in his homework or forgot to have his planner signed. I don't just completely make him fend for himself but I am not going to hold his hand to school to make sure he turns his work in either. So, I am going to try to offer a few more reminders here at home and before he leaves for school each morning. I am going to have to brainstorm some ideas to help him. I know we can make this work.
Aug 21, 2009
We're going back, back, back to school!
Why I love summer break: no setting my alarm (I still get up early with the baby, but not as early)
no packing school lunches
doing whatever we feel like doing all day- no schedules
spending time with the kids
watching them bring home a bucket full of crayfish from the creek
walking to Russell Stovers to have ice cream for lunch
spending all day in my pj's if I feel like it (while secretly being terrified that someone will stop by unannounced and think I do that everyday)
movie marathons
seeing my Dad and Grandma
bbq's
park days
watching the kids play with the neighbor kids, being thankful that they have good friends and are good friends in return
lemonade stands
bike rides
dandelion bouquets from my kids
seeing how excited my husband is about camping
Why I don't love summer break:
it's hot
having the neighbor kids ring my doorbell 36 times everyday to see if the kids can come play
hearing my son scream in horror because the dogs just ate all the crayfish out of the bucket
swim suit season
roly poly farms in my tupperware
getting frustrated and overwhelmed easily because the kids are home ALL DAY LONG (I've been known to hide in my car in the garage)
sweaty little boy smell
nursing bee stings
crying when my Dad leaves
7 a.m. swim meets.
Here's to another fabulous school year!
no packing school lunches
doing whatever we feel like doing all day- no schedules
spending time with the kids
watching them bring home a bucket full of crayfish from the creek
walking to Russell Stovers to have ice cream for lunch
spending all day in my pj's if I feel like it (while secretly being terrified that someone will stop by unannounced and think I do that everyday)
movie marathons
seeing my Dad and Grandma
bbq's
park days
watching the kids play with the neighbor kids, being thankful that they have good friends and are good friends in return
lemonade stands
bike rides
dandelion bouquets from my kids
seeing how excited my husband is about camping
Why I don't love summer break:
it's hot
having the neighbor kids ring my doorbell 36 times everyday to see if the kids can come play
hearing my son scream in horror because the dogs just ate all the crayfish out of the bucket
swim suit season
roly poly farms in my tupperware
getting frustrated and overwhelmed easily because the kids are home ALL DAY LONG (I've been known to hide in my car in the garage)
sweaty little boy smell
nursing bee stings
crying when my Dad leaves
7 a.m. swim meets.
Here's to another fabulous school year!
Jul 30, 2009
Cleaning out the freezer
Digging thru the freezer last week we found a turkey that we bought when it was on sale. So for dinner tonight we had our own mini thanksgiving dinner. It was much too quiet at the dinner table though to actually remind anyone of Thanksgiving. I admit it felt a little strange cooking a full size bird in July but the weather has been rainy and cold for the past few days so the oven going for a few hours felt good. We had some of the best sweet corn on the cob and mashed potatoes to go along with it. I think it is just second nature to make mashed potatoes when you have a 22 pound bird baking in your oven. Poor Kiwi was sent to bed early because he had decided to skip his nap earlier in the day. He had a scrumptious pb&j and was snoring by the time Hoss was busing carving away.
Jul 25, 2009
Happy Birthday Kiwi
My how time flies! Kiwi is already one! He is losing his baby face, he has such a cute little boy face. Still very blond hair and very very blue eyes. I can't wait to see if he stays blond as he grows older. I thought his hair would have darkened by now, so who knows? We had a party for him at home. There was a ton of food and good friends and family. He had fun opening his gifts. I didn't do a very good job keeping track of which gift was from whom, so thank you notes are a little slow getting out. He is having fun with all of his new stuff. He has worn every outfit and tried to stuff every new toy in his mouth. He got a set of flashcards from Grandpa & Grandma and I've tried to sit down with him everyday for a litle flashcard time. He has spent the last week teething. He now has 3 teeth, 2 of bottom and 1 on top. Such a cute little smile. We also had his one year old pics taken at Target. They turned out adorable (of course) and I can't wait to get them in some frames. I swear now that he is one, he can't be contained! He is trying to climb over the gates, out of his crib, out of his playpen, anywhere! He is having fun on his outdoor play structure. He spends most of his time just opening and closing the little front door. He is saying Mama, Daddy, Tia, Up, & Bobo (brother). It's so hard to believe but my last baby is no longer a baby. They really do grow too fast.
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